In my first post on Finding Sex with Social Networking I noted the importance of getting separate email and IM accounts. The main reason I stressed there was that it was helpful to keep the usernames on all the accounts the same or similar to build yourself a “brand” and make it easier for non-premium members of sex sites to find you. There are a couple of other reasons, too. You want to make it harder for your boss, your parents or, um, whoever to find you. You don’t want someone Googling your work email address and finding out you used it to sign up for a fetish site. And you sure don’t want the IT department at work reading those emails.

Image via Wikipedia

So, the same goes for your cellphone right? Use your work cellphone and 1200 text messages at 11 PM might raise eyebrows in accounting. Not to mention how inconvenient it could be when the girl you sent your number to finally decides to call in the middle of an important meeting to announce on speaker phone that she can’t wait to suck your cock.

And let’s be honest. Some of the people reading this and a substantial number of the people on those sites are in relationships. Some of those are open relationships and some aren’t. Even if the relationship is open, that doesn’t mean you want your significant other to hear every conversation, read every text message or see the nude pictures your new friend sent. So, a separate cell phone that you can keep somewhere out of the way is a good idea.

Finally, you need a camera phone for this and for all the reasons I mentioned it needs to be separate. The difference in cost is under $40 and the quality of the phone itself is usually better than the bargain basement. If you don’t have a digital camera, it gives you an easy way to get computer quality (640×480) photos for websites, emailing or multimedia messaging to your prospective partner. It won’t take pictures worthy of making prints, but so what? If you want that, spend at least $200 for a great digital point and shoot camera or $800 for a digital SLR.

So, do you sign a 2-year contract with AT&T when you’re hoping to find someone steady in a few months? No. Get a throwaway phone, a prepaid. The plans have gotten ridiculously cheap with no commitment. The phone will cost you a little more, but still less than 2 months of a 2-year contract that you don’t need anymore and less than half the early termination penalty. Tracfone, Virgin Mobile, GoPhone, Verizon…whatever. Browse the phones and pick a little camera phone that works for you. Here are a couple of suggestions.

I got a Samsung A127 Mini-Benz for $65 at Wal-Mart with no airtime (it does come with a $10 “bonus” the first time you purchase airtime).  You can get the same model at Amazon.com with a $35 airtime card included. Tiny little phone makes it easy to hide if that’s necessary.  A decent little camera. The network has goodcoverage and if you pick the right plan, you get unlimited calls in network on days you use it.

Of course, there are lots of other options, like the Audiovox 8915 Snapper Prepaid Phone (Virgin Mobile)

One other thing. Don’t forget that you’re going to be holding conversations that probably don’t need to be held in public. There’s nothing worse than having your kid with you in the grocery store while some dumb bitch goes on about her sex life in crude terms at the top of her voice five feet away. Have a little discretion. Don’t understand what the hell I’m saying? Then you should read the Top 10 Cell Phone Etiquette Rules People Still Break.

Some more sites that might be of interest if you want to be on all the possible adult oriented social sites:

• Utherverse is the social networking branch of the virtual world Red Light Center. If you’ve played Second Life, Red Light Center is similar, but sexually oriented - the typical avatar is nude or in lingerie or sexy clothing, there is adult entertainment from strip clubs to porn theaters. Utherverse is free. Red Light Center takes money to really do much. (Put another way, guys, if you don’t pay your avatar will have a hairy bump where his penis belongs.
• Rude Space is an interesting MySpace/Facebook take off. It’s a lot more “fun” feeling on the front page and it’s very adult oriented. There are paid upgrades, games, etc. but basic signup is free and you can earn “Chips” by referring friends to get a free membership. (Yes, that means I would appreciate it if you use my link above to join. I won’t get cash, but I’ll get to have some fun.)
Image via Wikipedia
• SmutVibes has an interesting name and a definite sex oriented feel. The first half of the profile form seems lifted straight from a popular adult personals site, while the second half could almost have come off a career/business networking site. The bad thing about it is that most fields, even things like jobs and companies worked for, are mandatory. Fortunately, a simple “na” lets you get past. Looks like a fun site.
• Social Kink is a kink oriented social site. The software appears to be the same as xPeeps, but the site has a darker look - literally, it looks almost like the same site but with a black background by default. Still worth joining especially for those promoting a website, product, service or even blog and for those interested in fetishes.

So, you’ve gathered your information in a profile document, gotten some photos together, created a dedicated email account using your preferred username and dedicated IM accounts also with your preferred username. Great! Now it’s time to create your basic social networking and social bookmarking accounts and profiles.

In the mainstream blogging world, I stumbled upon (pardon the pun) a formula that works pretty well. I joined every site I came across. I especially looked out for new sites still in beta (or even alpha) development - being an early adopted meant getting noticed by early adopters. If you’re looking for dates, sex, etc. that may not be as important, though it definitely does raise your profile level. If you’re looking for a way to promote your brand, it can be very important. You don’t have to be superactive on all of them - just having the profile set up is often enough. Plus, we’ll be talking about how to link them all together, so even the less active ones become feeders and republishing points for the others.

So, your goal is to join as many as possible eventually, but short term where to start?

(Note: Where possible these links go to my profiles on the relevant sites. From there you’ll be able to sign up yourself and “friend” me. Feel free to add me on these sites to jumpstart your network.)

Start with accounts on Friendfeed, Profilactic and Ping.fm. These three sites accomplish three things to do one big thing - tie it all together:

1. Mashups - Friendfeed and Profilactic give you a place to aggregate all your activity in one place for your target to read
2. Easy posting - ping.fm is a service that allows you to post to many microblogging and social networking sites with a single action.
3. Badges - Profilactic gives you a great “Where to Find Me Online” badge that you can post on a blog or other service. Someone reading your journal wants to friend you on MySpace - the badge shows them how.

Next, you need to build your basic accounts.

1. StumbleUpon is a social bookmarking site. That means, basically, that you rate sites as good or bad and StumbleUpon gives you new sites to view based on your old ratings, friends reviews, etc. It is great for those interested in explicit sexual discussion, whether you’re looking for sex, blogging about sex or promoting sex related products or services (but DON’T SPAM or you’ll pay for it). Why? Because they have a setup where you can rate yourself as “X-rated” and then lower rated folks can’t see your profile, bookmarks, etc. so you don’t have to worry about corrupting the youth or mom stumbling across you. Well, unless mom rated herself as an X - I can’t help you there. Be sure to install the toolbar - it really is fun!
   Another social bookmarking site worth checking out, with a “Love and Sex” section is SugarLoving.
2. Twitter is a microblogging site. The idea is to post short statements called “tweets” about what you are doing at a particular time. You can post tweets, which have to be under 140 characters, on the Twitter site, by email or by mobile phone.
3. Flickr is a great photo hosting site that now allows photos up to what I’d call “hard R” rating. They do allow full frontal nudity, but as far as I know not explicit sex, masturbation, etc. Flickr is part of Yahoo and tied to your Yahoo ID. For hardcore photos you could give Image Beaver a try.
4. YouTube is the number one video site and a great place for sharing your videos up to about an R-rating. It’s a Google property, linked to your Google account and your gmail username. It’s great for sharing your favorite non X-rated videos. For the hardcore stuff, try SpankWire.
5. MySpace is the place for your mainstream sex/dating oriented social profile. Facebook is great, too, but the site itself is just less “fun” and “sexy” overall. Beware on MySpace though as there are a lot of kids and their uptight parents, so for anything too risque link off the MySpace page and keep the good stuff elsewhere.
6. For your first sex oriented social profile, I suggest xPeeps if you have any interest at all in the various parts of the sex industry even as a fan. If you want to avoid that, AdultSpace is a good choice. The old adult oriented social site CherryTap is now redirecting to an interesting site I haven’t joined but that may be fun - fubar: the first online bar and happy hour.
7. Side note: AdultFriendfinder and Alt.com have added social networking features that have real potential with everything from friend networks to blogs, but unfortunately they’ve taken a harsh approach to any mention of outside sites. They claim this is because of spam, but it’s also a ploy to sell added features like “standard member contact” for gold memebers. These are still good sites and ought to be on your list, but they should only be a small part of your strategy.
8. Last.fm is a music sharing service. I haven’t used it, but certainly sharing music you enjoy is a great idea for getting together with compatible people.
9. One other thing you may want is a blog. It can be part of the “tying together” strategy, about which more in the next post, and also gives you some content on that FriendFeed. MySpace and some of the others have blogging included, but they have drawbacks. If you want a useful tool, Blogger is decent and a WordPress blog is even better. Blogger is free, a part of Google, tied to your Google account. For a free WordPress blog, check out LustJournal.com.
10. Other sites. As I mentioned at the beginning, you’ll want to sign up for all the appropriate sites you can. Pretty much any social networking site can be useful as long as you play by their rules. Get the basics now and save that profile document.

Once you have these basics set up, you can go back to Profilactic, Ping.fm and Friendfeed and tie them all together. I’ll be back in a couple of days with more on strategies for tying it all together and building your friend lists. Check back to this series for updates on other sites and a big event coming up that will help you find lots of friends.

Once you’ve got a dedicated email account and IM accounts, preferably all with the same username, you’re ready for the next step. Joining the social networks, right? Wrong! Before you think about joining the first one, you need to get the information together to put yourself in the best light, to put your best foot forward.

So how do you do that? You by making yourself a “profile document”. This is just a plain text file that has all the little tidbits that you’re going to want to include when you build a new profile at a site. You’ll probably want two separate documents for mainstream and sex oriented sites, so you don’t inadvertently end up getting yourself banned from the mainstream sites.

Image by Getty Images via Daylife

As you join sites, you may want to add to the document or edit what you have. This file represents you online, so as you use it make it your own by adding whatever you find useful. Starting out, you should have these things at a minimum:

1. First name
2. Last name - not your real one
3. Real last name ready to cut and paste on those sites that absolutely require it and absolutely won’t let anyone see it
4. Preferred Username and alternates
5. Location
6. A headline sentence
7. A “who I am” piece, written out in complete sentences. Even if you really are stupid, run a grammar and spell check on it. You may want to do a short version, a long version and a really long version to use as appropriate.
8. A list of your IM accounts (hopefully with your preferred username)
9. The email account you want to use.
10. Comma separated lists of:
    1. Three to six nonsexual interests
    2. Three to six sexual interests, fetish interests
    3. Three to six musical types, bands, singers, etc. that you like
    4. Favorite non-porn movies,actors,directors
    5. Favorite porn movies (optional – use this if it says something about you)
    6. Favorite books and/or magazines, authors
    7. Three to seven tags – words or short phrases that describe you
    8. Turn-ons
    9. Turn-offs

Next get some pictures together. Ideally a variety of photos ranging from professional portraits to candid shots at actual activities and, yes, some that are at least a little revealing. Don’t want to go nude for all the many obvious reasons? Do a body shot with the head cut off or go with lingerie or swim wear for females, shorts and no shirt or something similar for guys.

You need an assortment of sizes, from icon/avatar size to thumbnails to full screen or larger in size.

Here are some shots you might not want to do:

What MySpace profile pictures really mean

Once you have that all together, you’ll be ready for the next step and I’ll be back to tell you more about that tomorrow. If you just can’t wait until then, go build an xPeeps profile then come back here and leave a link to it in a comment.

Much of the information in these posts was inspired by thePuckWrites post on Ten Steps to Being Everywhere in Social Media, though he has no responsibility for its adaptation to a sex site. Though I had been using the idea of a “profile document” for some time myself, he coined that phrase and I adapted things heavily based on his format. My original social document was just the information copied from a MySpace profile with additional information appended at the bottom as new things came up.

It may be a bit of a no brainer, but one of the first places you should start if you’re looking for sex online is in the social networks. Now that doesn’t mean trolling MySpace and commenting on every hot girl you see. You could spend days doing that. Trust me…

Why would you want to sign up for social nets? For guys the answer is simple – maximizing opportunity. With guys outnumbering girls in just about every online sex oriented venue, the guy who succeeds may not be the most handsome or the most charming, he may just be the guy who posts his profile on 30 different sites.

Girls may think, “I don’t need to go more than one place since there are so many guys.” And that’s fine, but there’s always the old quality versus quantity dilemma. Sure, guys probably outnumber girls 3 to 1 on whatever site you choose first, but after you sort through the deadwood you may find that you’d have been better off to have 5 times that many options.

The bottom line for both is that putting yourself at the center of an expanding network gives you the best chance of meeting the right partner (or partners) for you.

Image via Wikipedia

There are two types of social networking sites to check out. The first type I’ll call the “mainstream” and the second are, well, sex oriented. The way you handle the two are different.

Mainstream networks have a couple of advantages for this, if you can play by the rules.

1. Your boss isn’t going to click on your face pic and get a view of your cock, your friends aren’t going to hate you, your mom isn’t going to wonder where she went wrong, just because you put “Dating” as your reason for being on MySpace. If you can handle a little beating around the bush, you can find what you want.
2. Sheer volume. There are lots of people who wouldn’t feel comfortable with a profile on a sex oriented site who are perfectly at home on Facebook and who are still interested in a good time.
3. You may find people who you share other interests with. Sex is great, but you might find a job opportunity or your next golf partner, too.

There are three big cons of the mainstream networks:

1. Once you start actually talking to somebody off these sites you’re going to have to dig a little deeper to see if you’re compatible, especially if you’re into kink. Since the profiles are a little tamer (though not always that much tamer!), it’s a little harder to know just how well you are going to click.
2. You’ll have to pay more attention to the rules. Nude photos? Probably not allowed. X rated photos? Almost certainly out. Explicit sex talk? May not be appropriate.
3. You have to be careful who you talk to. For those too dense to get it – you’re going to have to look at the ages on the profiles so you don’t end up meeting Chris Hansen instead of who you really want to meet. So, she looks twenty and has the “HotSlut” in her profile name, that doesn’t mean she’s legal. All of that should really be obvious, but if you’re on the prowl for sex on one of these sites, you need to be really careful to avoid interacting with kids at all, because it’s just creepy even if all you do is say “Hi.” ‘Nuff said.

Then there are the sex networks. The advantages are simply that the rules are much less restrictive and the talk is much more open and honest. The big disadvantage is in the small numbers of people and the relatively high proportion of spammers (though even MySpace has a big problem with spam).

So, how do you hit the social networks? It starts with two things. Putting yourself in the best light and putting yourself in the most places. Then you build on that by taking a page from the people promoting their products, services and websites through social networks and you link it all together.

Before you start, the first thing you should do is pick a username to use on all the sites and profiles. Try to pick something original enough that you can use it most places and then pick one or two alternates to use if you absolutely must. Get a new email account under this name - I suggest a gmail account – and IM accounts at the major services (AIM,MSN,Yahoo) with this name if it’s available. (A Google Talk account will be included with the gmail account.)

The next step is putting yourself in the best light by planning out what you’re going to say and post. More on that tomorrow.

Female comments are encouraged and appreciated. Add to the list and if you have a blog, website or even just a personal ad, I’ll credit you in the next set of tips.

I’ve met more than a few girls online from personals sites. Some of them have been a lot more attractive than the stereotype. There are several reasons - guys are afraid to hit on the pretty girls in person, we’re almost all more comfortable talking about sex and especially unusual fantasies online rather than in person, some girls are just tired of the bar scene and other singles outlets in the “real world”.

Here are five quick tips from my experience, specifically for guys. (This is the first in a series, so subscribe for more tips later.)

1. Stick with sex sites:
   This may go without saying, but I’ll say it anyway since some people do seem to get confused. Honestly, it doesn’t matter where you go, you’re still going to run into women that want “more than sex.” You’re even going to run into women on sex sites who don’t want sex at all. (I’ve gotten this a few times on the site that bills itself specifically as “The World’s Largest Sex and Swinger’s Personal Site.” Apparently those girls wanted swing dancing partners. On the other hand, you’re going to see people on regular “dating” sites getting pretty explicit. And you may do something I did once - meet a woman on a sex site and end up married.

   All that said, your chances of getting a strictly sex relationship, a “friend with benefits” or something along those lines are much higher on the sex sites. Sex on the first date? Chances are much higher. Looking for a one-nighter? Chances are much better. Getting spammed by website whores, cam whores and outright whores? Unfortunately also much higher.

   On those regular dating sites, you’re much more likely to end up banned if you do things like make explicit requests for sex, write graphically about sex or post graphic pictures. And getting banned often means losing the membership fee.

Image via Wikipedia
2. Post a picture:
   This one is almost a no-brainer. So you think you’re not attractive enough? The message of posting no picture is probably far worse than the reailty.

   Should you post a nude or graphic photo? It depends a lot on what you’re looking for, but frankly the women that are offended by them are probably not what you’re looking for. Here’s a rule of thumb - if you want to find the kind of woman who posts a nude shot of herself, she’s probably the type who wants to see one of you, also.

   What about posting your face? That depends on what industry you work in, your family, friends, etc. If your church wouldn’t approve, you should probably change churches. But if your boss wouldn’t approve and some woman doesn’t understand that, to hell with her. If it’s possible to make your face picture viewable only by friends, as it is on some networks, do that.

3. Include your photos when you email:
   Especially when emailing nonpaying members, you should include your photo and profile details. Many sites limit what nonpaying members can see, in some cases not showing much more than your nickname, headline and age. The more of your profile info you include in your email, the more chance that you’ll get a response. Women outnumber men on these sites by a huge margin and the good ones get swamped with messages.
   Should you include nude photos in a first email? Judge by her profile. If she has a very explicit profile with lots of nude (or more) pictures, include your nudes. If not, you might go with letting her know that there are nudes on your profile. In fact, you might want to warn her of that so she doesn’t click through to the profile with a picture of your hard cock as she sits in her parents living room checking her email.
4. Use your Instant Messenger ID as your name on the site:
   As much as possible for social/sexual purposes you should try to use the same ID/username everywhere. The first thing I do when I see a ladies profile that I like is send her an email on the site. Some of the best sites make it really tough for nonpaying members to reply. One in particular that I’ve had really good luck with does allow nonmembers to accept “friend requests.” If a lady accepts my friend request and doesn’t have her IM names listed in her profile, I check Yahoo to see if that ID exists with the same location, etc. Why? Not because I’m trying to come on too strong, but just because I don’t want a woman to have to spend $40 just to reply to my email. I send a polite IM saying “Hi, I think you are PrettyLady69 on XYZ.com also. You accepted my friend request today and I thought it might be easier to chat on here. Say hi sometime when you aren’t busy if you like.” I’ve had a couple of smart girls who were nonpaying members do the same thing to me rather than paying to email.
5. Be honest:
   You’re going to get much further with honesty than lies. Especially when you consider that everyone else on the site is there for the same thing as you - to get fucked. Don’t claim to be a millionaire - you’ll look like an ass and a million bucks doesn’t make your cock bigger. Don’t use someone else’s photo - after all the goal is to eventually see someone in person.

   You want a one-night stand? There are women who want that, too. Want a friend with benefits? You’ll find one. Got a specific kink or fetish? You aren’t the only one. Unles

I’d love to give this a go, just need to find a flexible and somewhat kinky girl to give it a shot.

Unusual sex position 69 revisited

Why slightly kinky?  Well, first, the way this looks and the way I’d definitely do it, the guy’s tongue is going to spend at least part of it’s time rimming the gal. Tossing her salad. Engaging in analingus. Licking her asshole. And his nose my nose would be stuffed in her cunt.

She’d definitely have one hard cock in her mouth if I was doing that.  It might get uncomfortable, but fortunately I wouldn’t want to do it for long anyway, as it would get me off in no time.  It would be great with a girl who likes to swallow for after we fucked or for getting fired up for a second round.

Second, if she’s got good enough balance, she could use her hands. Stroking the cock would be great, but look how easy it would be for her to reach under it. Now, it might just be a little rubbing the balls or the perineum (the taint, the area between the ass and balls that ‘taint the ass and ‘taint the balls).  But there’s a definite opening for her to engage in a little stroking or fingering of the ass, too.